Well, I've been a mom for almost 6 months now. (Right, how in the WORLD has time gone by that quickly?) In that time, I've had moments where I've felt like the best mom in the world. And, many more moments in which I felt like the biggest failure in the world. I'm coming to realize that this is a fairly normal feeling, as un-fun as it is. (I know, I know that's not a word. But I just couldn't resist using it.) Anyway, up until last weekend, I was a in a big I'm-a-big-failure-as-a-mom slump until I remembered the best advice I ever received. Well, it's actually 3 pieces of advice, but all of them are wonderful and equally as important.
1.) Whatever you decide is right. - I didn't really fully understand what this meant until I became a mom myself. Intellectually, I knew what it meant. But I had no clue the depth of meaning that goes with those words, until David was born and I was introduced to the "mommy wars." Last summer, Andy and I were staying with some of his college friends before his 10 year college reunion. I was probably only about 8-9 weeks along at the time and had confided to Kim because I was feeling dizzy and tired all the time and didn't want to seem like a horrible houseguest. Kim, a wonderful woman, mother and friend, was the one who gave me this sage advice. As I said, I didn't really fully understand it until just recently. And that's because once I became a mother, I learned that everyone does things differently. And everyone thinks their way is the only way. And everyone also has no reservations in handing out unsolicited advice and judgements about what you choose to do. "Breast is best." (As a disclaimer, yes I agree with that statement...up to a point. I won't go into it all here, but let me say that I've spent A LOT of time thinking about that throughout my breastfeeding rollercoaster.) "You shouldn't feed solids before 6 months." "You should start solids at 4 months, no later." "I would never do cry it out." "Cry it out is the only way to go." "You should make your own baby food." "Vaccinations are awful." "You HAVE to vaccinate." Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I spent months - I mean MONTHS - trying to live up to the "perfect mom" ideal. And then, then I discovered that I don't have to! I won't tell you how many tears it took, or how many heart to hearts with Andy I had (the poor guy did a celebration dance when I finally realized this because he'd been saying it for months). Just that it took a lot of both and a lot of time before I remembered this advice. Whatever you decide is right. And it is. As long as David is healthy, happy (and so are we), than whatever we decide is right. It doesn't matter if Betty Jo down the street is still breastfeeding and makes her own baby food and co-sleeps. Or that Jane Doe gave formula from the get go and practices cry it out and her baby has slept in the crib from day one. Or that we try a lot of different things before we find the right fit for us. And, I have to tell you, we must be on the right track because he is one happy little guy!
2.) Do what you need to do in order to enjoy your baby. - At my 6 week post-partum check-up, my OB applauded my decision to switch from nursing to exclusively pumping. She said that I needed to "do what you need to do in order to enjoy your baby." Those words stuck with me because they are so true! I was feeling unhealthy levels of anxiety with my nursing experience and had to think about what I needed to do in order to enjoy my precious baby. And it worked. This time goes by so fast (again, I had no idea how true those words were until I became a mother) that you need to feel free to snuggle, love on and all around just adore that little bundle.
3.) If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. - I'm pretty sure I saw this on Transformers 3, but it's so true! As moms, our happiness is just as important, if not more so, than our kids. If we aren't happy, we won't be able to take care of our family as well as if we are happy. Taking time for me is something that I try and make myself do everyday. Sometimes I completely fail at and go days, or even weeks, without giving myself a chance to decompress. And I pay for it. But then, I spend a few minutes just focusing on me (browsing Pinterest, reading, playing a stupid computer game, taking a bubble bath, etc.) and feel better. It's a good reminder that mothers need to remember themselves amongst the craziness of taking care of other people.
