A Public Service Announcement

As I move into the last 4 weeks of this pregnancy, I thought it would be good to give everyone a public service announcement on what not to say to me.  :-)  This way, everyone can make sure they walk away with all body parts attached and in working order!  Seriously, though, I find myself a little more...irritable...and I have discovered that there are a few key phrases or topics that seem to really hit all the wrong buttons!  Picture this: me, horns growing from my head, teeth clenched, face turning red, steam coming from my ears and nostrils and a BIG red, blinking warning light on my forehead.  Not a pretty sight, right?  ;-) 

1.) "You are such a tiny pregnant lady!  When I was pregnant, I was as big as a whale!"

Now, I have to preface this by saying that I know everyone means this as a compliment.  And I know people will probably think I'm weird for having an issue with this particular comment.  I can imagine it now - you are probably scratching your head, thinking to yourself, "What in the world is wrong with that?  Don't all pregnant women want to know that they are not fat?  It must be the hormones talking here!"  However, it does not change the fact that this one REALLY hits all the warning buttons.  Let me see if I can explain why:

• Hearing this from literally everyone has given me an unintended complex: that I fear that because I look so "tiny" that my baby is not growing appropriately!  Because, you know, the baby is what makes the belly big.  :-)  And, as much as Andy reassures me that I DO have a big belly (because I ask him almost nightly, "Am I getting bigger?  Is he okay?"  I mean, the poor guy is in the unfortunate situation of basically HAVING to tell his wife that she is gaining weight and looking huge!  What guy wants to be in that position!?), I still worry almost constantly about it because not a day goes by without someone saying this!  Or, at least they say something similar to it: "You can't possibly be 9 months pregnant!  When I was 9 months pregnant I was as big as a house!" 
• When people say this, they are comparing my body to theirs, my habits to theirs, my lifestyle to theirs, etc.  And that is.  NOT. OKAY! I have had issues with this loooooooooooooooooong before I even became pregnant.  When people constantly commented on how slender I was or how in the world I could eat like I did...it REALLY irked me and still does! My body is genetically different than theirs is.  That means my bone structure is different, my metabolism is different, any predisposition to gaining weight is also different, etc.  Also, do people take into consideration the fact that maybe I work out?  Maybe I eat right 90% of the time, so that when I decide to treat myself I can do it guilt free?  OR, and here's the kicker, that sometimes I have "fat" days, too?  It's almost like people feel that if you are "skinny" or "slender", that you are not allowed to feel any discomforts or complain about being bloated or "fat."  Am I not human?  Does being slender immediately disqualify me from having those feelings?  I don't think so.  In reality, the preoccupation with weight and size has victims on ALL ends of the spectrum.  Love who YOU are and stop comparing yourself to others.  
• And that brings me to my final point - by telling me I am such a "tiny pregnant lady," people are unintentionally sending the signal that my pregnancy discomforts don't count because I am not huge.  Well, BOO to that!  I feel like a whale.  I feel like a house waddling down the halls.  I feel like a mammoth, clunky, bulky human being when it takes me forever to get out of a chair or off the floor or out of bed.  Just because I have not grown "big" doesn't mean I don't have the same feelings any other pregnant lady has!

So....to avoid falling into this trap, please call me a whale.  Tell me I look big and uncomfortable.  Seriously!  One of the (newer) secretaries at school asked me how many more days I had.  When I told her I still had 6 weeks, her eyebrows shot up and she said, "Wow, I bet you are wishing it was tomorrow, huh?"  And even though she maybe wasn't telling me I was big, I love the thought that she did!  Help put my sanity back on track and give Andy a break from having to tell his wife she is getting big - call me a whale!  Tell me I'm huge!  I promise I won't get upset.  In fact, you will have to brace yourself because I may just knock you down with the biggest hug you've received in a while!  :-)

2.) "Not sleeping now is just practice for when the baby's born."  or  "Get used to no sleep.  You won't get any when the baby's born!"

Well, duh!  So, here's the thing with this one.  I know I won't get a lot of sleep when he's born.  I've known this since before I even became pregnant.  Andy and I were aware of this life change when we decided to start trying for kids.  Saying this does not make getting little to no sleep now any better!  I'm tired, I'm crabby and all I want is someone to say, "Yeah.  It sucks, doesn't it?"  That's it.  A little empathy.  Maybe even try something like this, "Doesn't it get old to have to sleep on your side all the time?  Don't worry, soon you'll be allowed to sleep on your back or stomach again."  That one's good - it empathizes with me AND gives me hope that I will at least get to sleep in any position I want soon!  

3.) "It only gets harder these last few weeks!"

Okay, why in the WORLD would you tell someone that?  Don't tell me that it gets harder - it's hard now!  If I'm already exhausted, unable to stand for more than 30-45 minutes without my back hurting, have a future boxing-salsa dancing-gymnast twisting and turning my insides all around, having horrible heartburn, mild swelling, etc. - do I really need to know that it gets worse?  Huh?  Huh?  Seriously!  That's like me telling someone who is about to run a marathon for the first time -those first 20 miles are a piece of cake, but, whoo boy, those last 6 miles will make you want to sit down, cry and give up! Instead, lift me up and reassure me that I have the strength (physically, emotionally and mentally) to make it these last few weeks.  Try something like, "Yep, it is hard now.  But you will make it and be an incredible mother!"  Remind me of the goal - the ultimate prize at the end.  Remind me that I am going to be a mom.  That's what this is all about, right?  Becoming a mom, a dad, a parental unit?  Sharing our love with our child?  Remind me of that.

4.) Unasked for advice or opinions - particularly regarding my pregnancy and our impending parenthood.

Well...this seems pretty self-explanatory.  If I don't ask, don't share.  'Nuff said.  Just tell us that it is the most amazing thing in the world.  Because I am sure it is!